After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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