They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
