I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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