My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
