Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
