saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
