please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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