I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
