Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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