you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
