Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
