The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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