My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
