I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This is classic penis vs brain.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
