totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
