Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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