So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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