Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
