this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
