The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
