If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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