i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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