The maid of honor just puked.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
