So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
