people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So many bounce houses so little time
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
not ubering you a puppy
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
