Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
