3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am available for nakedness
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
