Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
