I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
