ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
