He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
