goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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