we're chasing vodka with high fives
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
