she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
