His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
