I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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