But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
