You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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