I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
