apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
