she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
