I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
