Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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