Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
