Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
