so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
