too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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