At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
