I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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