I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
