I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
