at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
