i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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