i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
