Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
love makes seman taste better
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
