babies were throwing up all over the place
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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