The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
