Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
