Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
