I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
