So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
