Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
