It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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